


Gravity

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 4/20 blaze it, Agender Character, Agender Hange Zoë, Agender Jean Kirstein, Anxiety, Armin gets bullied, But he also likes to irl fite, Depression, Drug Addiction, Ftm trans boy Armin Arlert, I'm very high please forgive me, Jean is a pot head, Other, Teenage Drama, They smoke the reefer at some point, Trans Character, a little bit of teen angst, body worshipping, mostly smut or fluff, opiate addiction, pill use, smut n fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 06:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3886174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean's an agender teen and they've struggled with depression and addiction for awhile now, their mom decides that they needs to start going to a group for troubled teens where they meet Armin, who is a ftm trans boy and Jean is almost immediately taken with him. They quickly become friends and realize they mean a lot more to each other than they had intended to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> There is an answer in a question  
> And there is hope within despair  
> And there is beauty in a failure  
> And there are depths beyond compare.  
> -"Black Sun" by Deathcab for Cutie

“So let’s introduce ourselves!” Hanji shouted a little too enthusiastically, their husband Moblit eyeing them nervously from across the room.  
“I’m Hanji Berner. I’m 33 years old…hm, I love to read and learn about new things, I like…going outdoors. And making my husband watch Scifi movies with me…” They rambled; going on and on about their life and just about everyone in the room was all ears except for yours truly.  
I was trying to block them out since I didn’t even want to be here in the first place.  
I was forced into joining the support group for troubled teens by my very concerned mother.  
She thought it would be good for me to get around other 17 year olds that hate life.  
She’d searched her little heart out to find a group that would be supportive of the way I present myself.  
My mother, Addie, had always been a very supportive lady but she worked almost constantly and didn’t have time to monitor my free time.  
My good for nothing father had dropped off the face of the earth to go live with his mistress.  
Not that I missed him much, he was barely every around for me to miss anyway.

“OH! My preferred pronouns are they, them, theirs!...” Oh good, I’m not the only one.

“Let’s hear from…you! Tell us a little bit about yourself,”  
They squinted to read the name tag on the girl’s nametag a couple chairs around the circle from me.  
“Mikasa.” 

She was exceptionally pretty, long black hair and dark features. “My name is Mikasa Ackerman, I’m…”  
Zoning out again, I looked out the window to notice it had started to rain.  
It was always raining here in Seattle and it always put me into a calm trance.  
I hadn’t had a particularly hard life.  
My mother took good care of me, so as my therapist said, I had no reason to be like this.  
I had no reason to turn to pills to make myself feel better.  
I wasn’t sick.  
I had no reason to be anxious and depressed.  
Nothing traumatizing had happened to me.  
So why was it so hard for me to live?  
I had no ambition to be here.  
Or alive for that matter.  
I wanted to be six feet under, where I had no commitment or expectations. 

 

Evidently the beautiful girl had finished talking and I’d missed her bio. What a shame.

“Alright, how about you…Armin. Tell us about yourself, don’t be so quiet.”  
Out of curiosity, I look beside me and for the first time, I notice the little blonde sitting beside me.  
Dressed in a pair of pastel blue skinny jeans and a loose fitting black sweater that hung off one shoulder.  
‘Ask me about my pronouns’ it said.  
They were really fucking cute.  
Like the kind of cute you don’t see every day.  
And I listened to every word that poured out of those soft plump lips. 

“M’ Armin Arlert, I’m 15. I’m transgender.”  
They paused for a second to bite their lip and in that moment I had to return to reality for a second to wipe the drool out of the corner of my mouth.  
“Female to male.” He explained.  
He had a certain pride about him, the tiny smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips.  
Looking at him, barely 5’0 and tiny features, you’d expect him to be shy.  
But he had that kind of attitude I couldn’t help but gravitate to.  
“I’m in 10th grade…I like to do basically anything…”

Someone on the other side of the room laughed and as I turned to look to see who it was, Armin had joined in the laughter.  
“You mean like getting yourself into trouble, Min?”  
Jean recognized the guy.  
He was from school, Eren Jaeger. 

“Shut the hell up, Eren. I’ll come over there!” He snapped, glaring across the room and it was obvious Hanji was about to pounce before Armin nodded at them to signify he was basically done anyway.  
Throughout the entire rest of the introductions period, I never took my eyes off of Armin, no one seemed to notice either.  
I listened to what the people were saying, but I didn’t pay attention.  
I learned things about them, like Eren was gay and Mikasa was bisexual.  
They all lived together, Armin too.  
I wasn’t quite sure why they all lived together but I wasn’t going to question it.

“/Jeen/ we haven’t heard from you yet, you’re the last one.” Hearing the mispronunciation of my name my attention snapped to Hanji. 

“It’s /Jean/.” I corrected, sitting up straight and looking around the circle.  
Everyone was looking at me.  
Even Armin.  
When I looked over, I caught his eyes and he was smiling at me.  
A genuine smile.  
My jaw dropped and I couldn’t pull my gaze away from him.

“Take a picture it lasts longer, bro.” He mumbled, laughing so hard he snorted.  
Scrunching his nose up at me in embarrassment over the noise that left his lips, I couldn’t help but smirk.  
He was beautiful and even now at a time when everyone was looking at me expectantly I couldn’t look away from him.

“I uh…sorry, what?” I’d finally turned back to Hanji and they were laughing.  
My face felt hot and I was sure it was crimson red by now. 

“Tell us about yourself.” 

“M’ Jean Kirschtein, uh, 17. I’m agender.” I explained, shrugging.  
I didn’t really give a shit whether they knew or not.  
I knew.  
All that mattered was that I knew.

“So what would you like us to call you, Jean?”

“…by my name?” 

“No I mean…do you use ‘they’ pronouns?”  
They were looking at me expectantly and I could see the hint of excitement in their eyes.  
Hanji was nonbinary too and I remember them saying that now.  
“We want you to feel comfortable Jean.”

“Shit, I don’t care. They is fine.”  
I burst out louder than I meant to.  
Armin is eyeing me up now and I feel a little self conscious.  
I was wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a blue print flannel but I did have a bit of black eyeliner on and…would he think it was weird? Biting my lip, I glanced down and I could feel my palms coated in a thin layer of sweat. 

“Its okay, Jean. We just want you to be comfortable, okay baby?” Hanji cooed lovingly and stood up.  
They were approaching me and I didn’t know whether to drop to the ground and cry or turn and run.  
Right then, I wasn’t comfortable at all, I was very /very/ uncomfortable. 

“Can I give you a hug?” They questioned, I sat frozen in shock.  
Did I care if this over enthusiastic, complete stranger hugged me?  
Not really, I guess.

“Uh, yeah.” I mumbled awkwardly and in an instant they had pounced me.  
Hugging back awkwardly, my head snapped to the side and I looked at Armin again.  
He was smiling, still.

 

“You just look like someone who needs a hug!” They noted, giggling to themselves as they bound back across the room. “I’m sure someone else in the room would hug you, Jean! If you want another.” 

“No that’s-” 

“I’ll hug them.” I hear before I can finish my sentence and when I look over, it’s Armin that had said it.  
Of course I’m not going to turn a hug down from the cute boy beside me, but I did find myself praying to whoever was looking out for me that I didn’t pop a boner during said hug.  
That would be very embarrassing and my jeans were pretty tight so it’d be a little more than obvious. 

“Alright.” I mumble after a couple seconds of just looking at him in utter shock.  
He squeals and stands up. 

“Get to your feet, cutie, I want a real hug.” He murmurs enthusiastically and grabs both of my hands, holding them with his much smaller ones.  
I notice he’s sporting pastel blue nail polish that matches his pants.  
With him like that, I forget that there are other people in the room chatting casually amongst each other behind us.  
Dropping his hands, I lean downward to try and make myself smaller so that I can wrap my arms around his middle and his arms lace around my neck.  
His breath is hot on my ear and we feel so comfortable this way.  
I hear him hum softly and I can tell he’s squeezing me with all of his strength.  
As if to express my dominance, I stand up straight so that I’ve lifted him into the air and he lets out a gasp of surprise and tightens his grip around my neck.  
His feet dangle inches about the ground and I can tell he’s enjoying himself because his face is nuzzled into the crook of my neck and I can feel the smirk against my skin.  
When I set him down, he’s looking up at me with a baffled expression yet his eyes convey delight. 

“Why…?”

“Couldn’t help myself.” I’m not quite sure why I did it but I had and I’m damn glad I did because he’s smiling even wider now and my heart melts.  
Fuck I’m in too deep.

After what seems like ages, we’re back in our seats but it’s obvious to me that we’re both stealing glances at each other at every given opportunity.  
I know because I’ve caught him looking three times in a span of about 5 minutes.  
Or has it been ten?  
I can’t pay attention to anything going on around me except for him. 

“So everyone in this room is here for different reasons, does anyone want to share their story with us? We’re here to talk through our problems and help each other through hard times. You don’t have to share but you’re more than welcome to.”  
At first, no one speaks up.  
I hope that Armin does because I want to hear about him.  
Everything about him, the good and the bad.  
But he doesn’t.  
A girl that I never caught the name of talks about how hard her parents’ divorce is on her.  
I can relate in a way, but my dad just decided we weren’t good enough one morning and that was that.  
The rest of the group flies by quickly and before I know it, Hanji is wishing us a good week and telling us she’ll see us next Wednesday.

I stand up and leave the room without another word.  
I don’t know if I’ll be back the next week, the only reason would be because my mom decided I need to go even though this hadn’t helped at all.  
Although, there was Armin.  
He was a very good reason to come back the next week. 

 

The rain has ceased and the air is muggy.  
On my way to my car, I feel a small hand catch my forearm and when I look down I notice the blue nail polish.

“Hey,” He says and I can’t help the grin.  
It isn’t long before his arms are wrapped around my neck again and instinctively I wrap mine around his waist. 

“Why?” I question when we let go of each other.  
His smile widens and he lets out a soft laugh.  
Like he’s proud of himself for whatever he’s about ready to say.

“You look like someone who needs a hug, Jean Kirschtein.” He retorts and as I’m about to speak, he interrupts me. “And I couldn’t help myself.” He’d managed to mock two people with one sentence and to say I wasn’t impressed with his sass would be a god damn lie. 

“Okay then.” I mumble, laughing again and breathing out a soft sigh.  
I look up to see the two he lived with, Eren and Mikasa walking down the street together and for a second, I’m brave.

“Need a ride home?” I question, looking at him hopefully. 

“Hm, was always raised not to get rides home from strangers.” 

“I’m not a stranger, you know my name. And that I evidently need hugs.” 

“Ah. Good point. Also, it’s hard to pass up a good looking…not stranger such as yourself.” 

“You think I’m good looking?” The shock in my voice is obvious and I’m not quite sure whether he’s teasing me but I pray he isn’t. 

“/Obviously/, or I wouldn’t have said that.” He says it like I should have known this, like it was obvious.  
I start to move towards my car again, opening the passenger’s side door for him.  
He bounds towards me and climbs in eagerly.  
I can’t believe my luck but I’m not going to question it. 

“So do you think I’m good looking too?” he questions after I’m in the car with my seat belt on. 

“Duh, I mean, you own a mirror right?” I tease with a snort.  
We’ve just met and already I feel more comfortable with him than I do with people I’ve known my entire life.  
He’s so easy to talk to and I feel like I could just lose myself with him.

“Yeah, I don’t really care for how I look but…I’m glad you do.” He offers, his mood drops for a couple seconds but picks back up as he gives me directions to his house.  
Or what I think is his house.  
We end up at a park and I’m honestly not surprised.

“You live here…?” 

“Of course not dumbass. I wanted to go on a walk.” He informs me and I can’t help but laugh because somewhere along the way here it had started raining.

“It’s raining.”

“So…” 

“So I don’t want you to get sick.” We have a standoff and it’s easy to tell that he’s already won because I’m wrapping my spare coat from the backseat around his shoulders. 

“Oh you’re so nice.” He cooed at me, reaching offer to ruffle my already messy undercut before getting out of the car.  
We walked in silence for a couple seconds before I looked down at him with a smirk on my face.

“So, what do you like to do for fun…? Besides hangout at the park in the rain? I mean, you were pretty vague about your bio thing at group.” 

“/Yeah/, I was vague for a reason.” He explains, shrugging and exhaling like something was troubling him. “I guess I’m not that interesting. I like to read and hang out with my friends I guess.” He mumbled quietly and that was the shyest I’d seen him since we met. 

“So you’re not quite the little thug you pretend to be huh?” 

“Kicking ass and takin’ names, bro.” He teased, scrunching his nose up at me and I swear to god for the hundredth time that day, my heart melted.

___________________________

It’d been a couple months since I’d met the little blonde.  
Things had been going well and he was on a first name basis with my mom from how much we’d been hanging out.  
We’d hangout every day after school since I’d realized he was only about a ten minute walk from my house.  
It was safe to say that I was falling.  
I’d stopped going to the group, so had Armin.  
Instead we’d hangout and watch terrible scary movies in my room and play video games.  
We’d both stopped going to the group.  
Instead we’d come back to my house and eat our weight in rice crispy treats and just ‘chill’ as Armin called it. 

 

“You’re hogging them all, Jean.” He grumbled, lunging forward from where he sat beside me on the couch to grab a couple packaged rice crispy treats from the box and pause the movie we were watching at the time.  
“I’m confused.” He whined between crunching noises. “Explain it to me, buttercup.”  
It’d been about a week since he’d been calling me by that ridiculous nickname and surprisingly I didn’t hate it.  
Unless he said it in front of Eren, then I did hate it. 

“Okay Sunshine." I tease back, it was my nickname for him and we had both agreed that it was cute.  
Mostly because he wasn't a ray of sunshine.  
In his words, he was a total badass.  
Hardly.  
"So, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character thinks he’s like a marshall and…” Armin was ripping at the packaging on his treat but couldn’t get it open so decided to interrupt the story by shoving it in my face.

“What happened to being tougher than me?” I teased.

“I /am/ tougher than you. I just can’t get it open.” 

“Wanna fight little man?” I continue, opening the package and handing it back.

“Fight me!”  
He shoves me playfully and I pretend to fall backwards before leaning in to tickle his sides and reduce him to a giggling mess. “Stop it, /Jean/ that isn’t fair!”  
We both laugh for a couple seconds before he’s back to eating and asking questions about the movie. “So he’s not a detective or?”

“No, he made all of that up because he couldn’t get over the fact that his wife killed his kids and he killed his wife.” Armin seems alarmed now and he looks up at me with a distressed look in his eyes.

“When did that happen?”

“You missed it…?”

“Leonardo DiCaprio is pretty hot huh?” He questions and I let out a surprised snort and scratch my forehead.

“Well…yeah I guess he’s a good looking guy. I mean, is that all you’re paying attention to?” He grins and I immediately know it’s true. “I kinda look like him, don’t I?” I tease, hoping for a compliment or a hint that maybe he feels the same way about me.  
Armin smiles and looks down at his hands like he’s deep in thought and it concerns me for a couple seconds before I see him perk up again.

“You kinda do.” A soft sigh and his head is rested on my shoulder and he throws his arm over my chest so that his small hand is rested on my shoulder.

“So…if you think Leo is hot, are you gay?” I ask, not quite sure what I hope for.  
I’m genderless and Armin hasn’t really voiced his opinion on the matter.

“I like…people.” He admitted, humming softly. 

“So…you’re bisexual?”

“I just like people.” He clarifies and I’m honestly more confused than before. “Are you into guys or girls?” He asks me in return and I let out a soft laugh and look down.  
I know what he meant now.

“I like people.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! I'll try and update this weekly. :)


End file.
